Vapor

Tonight I was sorting through old pictures on my laptop in an attempt to free up some disk space.  In the process, I re-encountered some bits and pieces of life I had captured in photos.  What I thought was going to be a menial, organizational task of rearranging and consolidating files and folders turned out to be something quite different.  I was caught off guard by what ended up being a deeply emotional and contemplative experience. 

As I scanned through the pictures, I often laughed out loud (quietly since it's late and everyone else in my house is asleep) at the unfettered zaniness of my kids and the pure joy in their smiles caught on camera.  I was nearly in disbelief as I compared pictures of my daughter where she barely came up to my wife's waist from what seems like not so long ago and from this year where she is practically at her shoulder's height.  I looked through pictures of our family, and the church which has become our family, with deep gratitude and hopefulness.  Seeing a sort of slideshow of where God has brought us and knowing I deserve none of it renews my amazement at the graciousness my Father.  As I looked at pictures of young kids from the church who are now teenagers and will soon be adults, I thought about the seeds we are sowing for the future of these young people and the legacy we will leave. 

And to be honest, all these snapshots of life also broke my heart.  It broke not at the remembrance of any particular person whom I will no longer see in this world, though there were those pictures.  But it broke at seeing in an instant the brevity of life, how quickly it all rushes by...  I cannot comprehend how those without the hope of eternity cope with this overwhelming reality, unless their tactic is simply do their best to forget or pretend it isn't there.  James writes, "For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away."  How profoundly, tragically true. 

But the beautiful thing is that this fleeting vapor will not be the end for those who have hope in Christ.  All the things we wished we could've started but now it's too late, all the things we dreamed of accomplishing but never found time for, all the things we worked on and gave our lives to but never got to finish... will not be lost.  Instead, all the hollow, hopeless vanity that makes your heart sink as you wonder what happened to the years and stare in the mirror at a person who you know can't be you, will be cast off like a winter coat on the first warm day of spring.  The relentless march of time and decay and death will be turned backward.  The One who conquered the grave will lift us up to an everlasting hope.  The vapor that is life will congeal into something solid and vibrant and enduring, which can be threatened no more.  This is resurrection.  This is the promise of grace. 

JRR Tolkien wrote a short story about a painter named Niggle who began a painting of a tree during his life, but because of distraction and lack of time and other duties was never able to complete it.  In fact, he only ever completed one leaf to his satisfaction.  The time for Niggle's journey comes upon him, though he is not ready and unprepared and regrets not ever having finished that painting his heart truly longed to create.  But at the end of his journey, he discovers he has been brought to the country of his tree.  There it stands, real, perfect and complete, yet only one of a whole forest.  Niggle realizes that his vision of the tree before his journey was just the beginning and he can live in and continue in the fullness of the dream which he had captured but a leaf of during his life.  That tree of life and hope is waiting for us because the Eternal One tasted vanity and death on the Tree of Calvary.  Our vapor will be turned to life because His life was made a vapor.

social media detox

so this last week i took a complete break from any and all forms of social media (facebook, twitter, blogs, etc.)  there were a number of reasons i felt like i needed this detox, one of which is a seriously disturbing new york times article on how social media affects your ability to focus.  another was a documentary i watched about some effects of constantly being connected, but ultimately i just wanted to unplug.  after a week w/ no social media i came to a few conclusions:

1. experience lines up with research from the article: social media really does mess with your ability to focus.  i found myself at the beginning of the week randomly wanting to check in during studying or some other task i was doing.  by the end of the week i was already much more single-track and able to stay focused without that random impulse to check a billion different snippets of whatever (the previously linked NYT article explains how social media can actually create a chemical addiction in the brain).  this probably ought to seriously trouble anyone who is concerned with productivity in themselves or their employees.

2. NO ONE uses email anymore for personal interaction.  seriously.  i think its only use is for business these days.  upon reflection, i find this to be somewhat troubling, but not because i'm old school and think the newspaper or printed books or the postal system should never be trumped by e-formats (though i really do think there's something different about holding a book in your hands. call me sentimental. :)  i think what it says is we are losing the art of communication.  we try to trump quality and depth with volume (always a bad philosophy in my view).  it is a rare skill to fit anything meaningful into 140 characters.  i also believe the way we present ourselves is different when we think "the collective web-consciousness" is watching than we do in a real, personal interaction with one or a few people.  this inevitably leads to a degree of superficiality (that hopefully does not take over how we relate in general).  i wrote a lengthy blog post on this idea a couple years ago (back when facebook had less than 100 million users if you can imagine that! :)  you can find it here. (however, social media is very effective and time-saving.  then again, so is a microwave, but i question the side-effects both might cause with over-exposure.)

3. most of what gets posted on facebook or twitter is, well, trivial at best. :)  no offense to anyone.  i post as much as the next guy.  but seriously, read through a couple scrolls of your facebook homepage or twitter feed and ask yourself what that really added to your day.  i'm guessing the majority (not all) of the time the answer is "not much".

4. detox is a good thing.  i do not plan to quit using any of the forms of social media i'm plugged into.  it is very convenient and like i said, no one uses email anymore.  plus i use it to get church info/resources out.  however, i think i'll probably continue to have occasional detoxes so as not to be over-exposed to the social-media-radiation that is the 21st century.  if you can't remember the last day you didn't check facebook, twitter, your blog feed, etc. that may be a good sign it's time for a break.  seriously, take a day, two, a week, whatever and just unplug.  read, pray, enjoy real communication with living people.  you'll be glad you did.

ukrainian road repair

i was driving up to kiev last weekend and thought i'd give everyone an understanding of how ukraine deals with road problems (very similar approach for many other problems):

rather than fixing the road, they just put up signs that let you know, "for the next 3 km, this is gonna suck." well, at least they're not pretending that these road conditions are acceptable and warning you about it. ah, ukraine, you never cease to amaze. :)

abby's jokes

lena is praying with abby tonight in russian and she finishes and says "Аминь" (a-meen')....

abby: "mama says 'a-meen'?
lena: "yes."
abby: "papa says 'amen'."
lena: "yes, papa says in english 'amen' and mama says in russian 'a-meen'."
abby: "oh.... abby says "oh, man!" like in cartoon (dora). "swiper, no swiping... oh, man! hahaha!"

things i missed about ukraine in the states and things i miss about america here

things i missed about ukraine while in the states:

1. real food: unless you are going to a farmer's market in the states (and paying thrice the standard price) food is tasteless, especially the meat. like a wet sponge.
2. fellowship in church: i don't know if its just part of the american culture or what, but it seemed in every church we were in, that as soon as the service ends, at least 80% of the people rushed for the doors. another 15% were gone within 5-10 minutes. maybe it didn't help that we were in indiana and the colts were playing almost every week. :) here in ukraine we hang out and fellowship after service for sometimes up to an hour.
3. toilet paper: yes, that's right, i like the brown ukrainian toilet paper. its just so darn sturdy!
4. the medical system: allow me to clarify. the kids got on medicaid this time, but lena and i got turned down. when i went to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled, i was told the medicine cost $120! i passed and upon returning to ukraine found the same medicine for like $8. so ridiculous! they should destroy the whole medical funding system and start from scratch (with a completely universal system).

things i miss about america here:
1. good coffee: not that it doesn't exist in ukraine, but is very rare and usually cost more than the bux in the states.
2. cheap technology/clothes: yes, both of these things cost MORE here than in america. fortunately they are things you can stock up on once every 2-3 years.
3. wi-fi everywhere: gotta love that. here its mostly only at mcdonald's.
4. the medical system: it may be expensive as all get out, but at least they are all about quality care.
5. customer service: a concept largely lacking in ukraine. the best example in america during this trip i can think of this was the apple store. i brought my macbook in that i had for 2.5 yrs. and had just about every part on it possible replaced (under warranty so it was free). but when i brought it in for another repair this time, i told the manager about all the problems i've had with it (very unusual for macs, btw). i was hoping to get a free battery out of the deal or something. he goes away and comes back and says "we're gonna give you a new macbook". sweet! way to take care of your customers, mr. jobs! i was already hooked on macs even with the hardware problems, but they have just won a very satisfied life-customer.

why can't the dollar stop growing?

okay, so it's not so much that the dollar is growing as that the "hryvnia" (ukraine's currency) is in a death spiral. the dollar has reached its all-time high, or in other words, the hryvnia has hit an all time low. (9.26 grn. to $1) bloomberg has this article on the situation here. some highlights are below:

Ukraine’s hryvnia tumbled, closing at a record low against the dollar, after Moody’s Investors Service said it may cut the country’s rating because political infighting is hampering efforts to avert a financial crisis.

The hyrvnia has lost more than 50 percent against the dollar in the past six months as reduced demand for exports and a lack of foreign credit causes Ukraine’s first economic contraction in a decade.

Inflation soared to 22.3 percent last month, the highest level in Europe

for the foreigners here whose accounts are in dollars (myself included), this makes things comparitively cheaper than a few months back when it was still 5:1. but, though it's almost hard to imagine i'm saying this, i wish the dollar would go back down some, cause if it keeps growing, ukraine's economy might just free fall off the precarious cliff it's teetering on.

NOTE: the following day bloomberg updated this article, and outlined the newly dropped default rating. the new rating implies:

a 69.6 percent chance Ukraine will default in the next two years and 91.8 percent in the next five years.

the infection spreads...

so, since most of the people whose blogs i interact with have been "tagged" recently, it was only a matter of time. i was tagged by edna silva. here's the rules:

off we go with the random/weirdness....

1. i figure i'll thoroughly embarrass myself right out of the gate (though it really doesn't embarrass me now, it did for a long time).... i wet the bed till i was... 13 i think? only fortunately my parents put me on a then experimental nasal-spray drug to stop bedwetting called DDAVP. because it was new, i had to get monthly blood tests to make sure i wasn't being slowly turned into a mutant or something to that effect. as it turns out, in 2007 the FDA banned the nasal-spray cause a couple people died from using it and a few dozen others experienced seizures. for me all it ever did was make a lot less laundry for my mom and enable stress-free sleepovers. :)

2. okay, so now that i've embarrassed myself, i'll go for shock and awe. before Jesus saved me from the pit of hell, i was into all kinds of darkness. but probably the one that people are most shocked by is vampirism. yes, my friends and i used to drink each others' blood. people usually ask why. i suppose there was some kind of demonic rush in it. so now you know.

3. i LOVE spicy food. most people that know me know this about me, since i dump red pepper flakes on just about every meal. but most people don't know the story of how it started. when i was about 9 or so, my mom grew these super-hot little peppers (maybe thai dragons?) in her garden for my dad. one day my sister dared me to take a bite of one. of course, you can't back down from a dare from your little sister, so i took a small nibble off the tip. it really wasn't very spicy to me so i decided to show off and put the whole thing in my mouth and chomped a few times and swallowed. little did i know that the heat is primarily in the seeds. soon my mouth was uncomfortable... a few seconds later it was on fire.... a few seconds after that i was screaming for my mom to help and tears were running down my face. she shoved bread, milk and probably some other food products down my gullet to try and cool the burning. finally she gave me a tums and it killed the burning out (so if you ever ingest something too hot, run for the tums ;). but after that experience i started loving spicy food.

4. i played the cello for 3 years in middle school. i was 2nd chair out of like 11 kids (there was a chinese kid named evan who always got first chair... but i didn't have a chance since he was asian. :) try not to let my pure coolness in the photo bowl you over. :)

5. i really like order. if the house is a mess (usually thanks to abby these days) i really can't relax. i'll stop and make sure most things are put in their place. fortunately, my wife also loves order, so we tidy up together. one thing i can't stand is when a couch has some sort of cover on it and people sitting on it squirm around and the cover turns into a lump of fabric half-shoved down the crack between the cusions... drives me insane. (wes, this is dedicated to you! hahaha! :) it took me a while to realize that people are more important than order... a lesson i still sometimes struggle with.

6. i was a very fat child. okay, so i apparently i didn't embarrass myself enough with the first fact. in 6th (or maybe 7th) grade i weighed more than i did as a senior in high school, and was like a foot (30 cm) shorter... in fact, now at 27 i only weigh maybe 15-20 lbs. (7-9 kg.) more than in 6th grade.... it was not a good year for me. but at least i had company. here is a pic of me and my sister as professional fat kids.

7. i write poetry. i have since like 6th grade. granted, i write much less frequently now with all the things going on in my life, but still do sometimes. one poem that i will not forget is the last one i wrote before i was arrested for dealing LSD and consequently gave my heart to Jesus. the final lines of it are:

i need something, i need someone
this tangled web of pain i've spun
i fear the worst has just begun
i beg of you on hand and knee
someone out there set me free.

i didn't realize it at the time, but i think it was actually a prayer and the Lord definitely answered it. He is a wonderfully faithful God! "God will remain true though every man be unfaithful." Rom. 3:4

i hope that was amusing for someone besides just me. so, now in keeping with the rules, i tag the following people:

rick warden
josh dykstra
wendy hoff
matthew hawkins
eulogio crespin
cara denney
stephanie markey