ukraine is a land like no other (except maybe russia :)

from time to time as i walk around the experience that is my life in ukraine, i run into things that i realize are very bizarre to people who are not from here.  since i've been living here for over 8 years now, i have to force myself to remember that these things strike most foreigners as very odd, since i have just come to accept most of them (granted, not all of them).  so for your education and amusement purposes, just a few pictures from the last month or so:

this picture probably doesn't explain itself well unless you've seen one before.  for those not familiar with ukrainian ritual, this is a funeral.  you'll notice that the crowd is gathered right outside the apt. building.  no, this is not a wake.  the body is in the coffin right there next to the stairwell (didn't get a close-up out of respect for the friends and family of the deceased).  the colorful bars off to the left are the playground equipment (abby was swinging on an incredibly squeaky swing before we made her stop so as not to provoke the ire of the crowd).  the most interesting part about this is if you live in the stairwell where the person died, you get to walk right up to and past the coffin with bags full of groceries as babuska's cry over their loved one.  this might all seem very tasteless, but i have to say i prefer it.  death here is not tucked away and denied the way it is in america (or i imagine western europe?).  it's right there in your face (outside your kitchen window, actually) ... a reality to be reckoned with.  it is not disguised and sanitized:  no funeral homes, no formaldehyde (hence same or next day burials) and a simple pine box. 

on a similar note: the morgue.  (don't ask me why i was there). 

these are shots of our local morgue.  the first shot shows that in the waiting hall, there is a typewriter from i'd guess about 40+ years ago.  i'm not sure if they're keeping it around until it attains "antique status" and then hock it to provide for a lock on the door to the "dissection hall" (seriously, there wasn't one.  just a sign that said "no entrance without permission!").  or maybe it's just a statement that the typewriter itself has met it's end.  ah, modern art... nah, probably the first option.

the second picture is a soviet style plaque of a woman weeping over the grave of a loved one.  the great part is that these metal figures are nailed onto the door of an old wardrobe.  you can still see the old hinges at the top.  nothing says "our condolences" like dismantled furniture.

next, a sign on the doctor's office door:

the working hours of the doctor in this particular section of the hospital are from 8:00 until 14:36.  yes, that's right, 14:36 (2:36pm).  the funny part is i'm willing to bet he never sticks around that late anyway. 

the last picture would be the funniest if it weren't real.  below is the sign that you see as soon as you step onto the property of a certain church here in ukraine:

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for those who don't read russian, it says: "we do not allow: smoking, drinking alcoholic beverages, improper language, walking on the grass, picking flowers, walking dogs, leaving trash."  seriously, is that really the first statement you want to make to visitors?  if i were not a Christian, i'd turn around before i ever hit the door (i'm a pastor and i almost turned around anyway).  sadly, this sign typifies the attitude and bent of the majority of churches in ukraine; in a word, rules (and mostly petty ones at that).  it's all about what you cannot do, about ridiculous codes, and little to do with the heart of Jesus.  the sad part of course is that this is the way a lot of Christians present themselves to the world (not just in ukraine either) and the way a lot of non-Christians perceive the church (ned flanders, anyone?).  the fact is a lot of "Christians" have no idea who Christ really is (and pass their ignorance on to non-Christians).  i bet if they let Jesus make the sign at that church, it would say something more along the lines of, "we do not allow: self-righteousness, arrogance, gossip, walking on people, picking fights, barking at others, and trashing your neighbor."  the more Christians i meet here, the more convinced i am how desperately this country needs to hear the Gospel of Grace: that Jesus didn't come to make more Pharisees, but to rebuke them, and to make lovers of God instead.

ukrainian road repair

i was driving up to kiev last weekend and thought i'd give everyone an understanding of how ukraine deals with road problems (very similar approach for many other problems):

rather than fixing the road, they just put up signs that let you know, "for the next 3 km, this is gonna suck." well, at least they're not pretending that these road conditions are acceptable and warning you about it. ah, ukraine, you never cease to amaze. :)

abby's jokes

lena is praying with abby tonight in russian and she finishes and says "Аминь" (a-meen')....

abby: "mama says 'a-meen'?
lena: "yes."
abby: "papa says 'amen'."
lena: "yes, papa says in english 'amen' and mama says in russian 'a-meen'."
abby: "oh.... abby says "oh, man!" like in cartoon (dora). "swiper, no swiping... oh, man! hahaha!"

things i missed about ukraine in the states and things i miss about america here

things i missed about ukraine while in the states:

1. real food: unless you are going to a farmer's market in the states (and paying thrice the standard price) food is tasteless, especially the meat. like a wet sponge.
2. fellowship in church: i don't know if its just part of the american culture or what, but it seemed in every church we were in, that as soon as the service ends, at least 80% of the people rushed for the doors. another 15% were gone within 5-10 minutes. maybe it didn't help that we were in indiana and the colts were playing almost every week. :) here in ukraine we hang out and fellowship after service for sometimes up to an hour.
3. toilet paper: yes, that's right, i like the brown ukrainian toilet paper. its just so darn sturdy!
4. the medical system: allow me to clarify. the kids got on medicaid this time, but lena and i got turned down. when i went to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled, i was told the medicine cost $120! i passed and upon returning to ukraine found the same medicine for like $8. so ridiculous! they should destroy the whole medical funding system and start from scratch (with a completely universal system).

things i miss about america here:
1. good coffee: not that it doesn't exist in ukraine, but is very rare and usually cost more than the bux in the states.
2. cheap technology/clothes: yes, both of these things cost MORE here than in america. fortunately they are things you can stock up on once every 2-3 years.
3. wi-fi everywhere: gotta love that. here its mostly only at mcdonald's.
4. the medical system: it may be expensive as all get out, but at least they are all about quality care.
5. customer service: a concept largely lacking in ukraine. the best example in america during this trip i can think of this was the apple store. i brought my macbook in that i had for 2.5 yrs. and had just about every part on it possible replaced (under warranty so it was free). but when i brought it in for another repair this time, i told the manager about all the problems i've had with it (very unusual for macs, btw). i was hoping to get a free battery out of the deal or something. he goes away and comes back and says "we're gonna give you a new macbook". sweet! way to take care of your customers, mr. jobs! i was already hooked on macs even with the hardware problems, but they have just won a very satisfied life-customer.

authentic ukrainian cuisine

ok, not so much. my wife decided to use some won-ton skins we had in the freezer for the last i don't know how many months. so she whipped up some egg rolls that could seriously have been from a high-class chinese restaurant. they didn't last long. :) my wife is so talented! here's a shot of the goodness:

in ukraine, the good times never end

so, my family and i were in our neighboring big city, kremenchuk, yesterday doing some shopping at the equivalent of a wal-mart. we were strolling down the office supplies aisle and were looking at the permanent markers when we spotted this:

sharpies? no, look closer. they are "skerples"! yes, that's right, a knock-off sharpie look-alike (even the logo script looks the same). but yes, it is a "skerple". i couldn't stop laughing and thought i'd share the fun with you all. i almost bought them just so i could keep laughing, but then considered it and figured they'd break in a few days, so i passed.

why ukraine's problems cannot be solved by any amount of money

so, i was reading the headlines and stumbled across the latest reason why ukraine's problems will not be solved by any amount of imf loans. as it turns out, yuri lutsenko, ukraine's internal affairs minister (over all the police and generally charged with "maintaining social order and safety"... incidentally probably one of the better ministers in the cabinet) got into a drunken brawl with some german police officers in the frankfurt airport and has officially offered his resignation from the cabinet of ministers. he is rejecting the claims of the german officers, but for some reason resigned anyway.

this reminded me of one time last year when my wife and i happend to be visiting her mother and she had the news on. and much to our amusement and simultaneous discouragement, we saw video coverage of the Verkhovna Rada (ukraine's parliament). took me a while to find it on youtube (archive of everything embarrassing that people wish could be erased), but here it is:



but maybe that is a faster way to decide politics: throw two senators in a UFC cage and whoever remains alive gets their legislation passed. :) of course, the sad part is THESE are the people ruling the country. no wonder we are in such a mess (despite any global crises). at least we know the only way anything positive is gonna happen is by praying for them. ;)

the infection spreads...

so, since most of the people whose blogs i interact with have been "tagged" recently, it was only a matter of time. i was tagged by edna silva. here's the rules:

off we go with the random/weirdness....

1. i figure i'll thoroughly embarrass myself right out of the gate (though it really doesn't embarrass me now, it did for a long time).... i wet the bed till i was... 13 i think? only fortunately my parents put me on a then experimental nasal-spray drug to stop bedwetting called DDAVP. because it was new, i had to get monthly blood tests to make sure i wasn't being slowly turned into a mutant or something to that effect. as it turns out, in 2007 the FDA banned the nasal-spray cause a couple people died from using it and a few dozen others experienced seizures. for me all it ever did was make a lot less laundry for my mom and enable stress-free sleepovers. :)

2. okay, so now that i've embarrassed myself, i'll go for shock and awe. before Jesus saved me from the pit of hell, i was into all kinds of darkness. but probably the one that people are most shocked by is vampirism. yes, my friends and i used to drink each others' blood. people usually ask why. i suppose there was some kind of demonic rush in it. so now you know.

3. i LOVE spicy food. most people that know me know this about me, since i dump red pepper flakes on just about every meal. but most people don't know the story of how it started. when i was about 9 or so, my mom grew these super-hot little peppers (maybe thai dragons?) in her garden for my dad. one day my sister dared me to take a bite of one. of course, you can't back down from a dare from your little sister, so i took a small nibble off the tip. it really wasn't very spicy to me so i decided to show off and put the whole thing in my mouth and chomped a few times and swallowed. little did i know that the heat is primarily in the seeds. soon my mouth was uncomfortable... a few seconds later it was on fire.... a few seconds after that i was screaming for my mom to help and tears were running down my face. she shoved bread, milk and probably some other food products down my gullet to try and cool the burning. finally she gave me a tums and it killed the burning out (so if you ever ingest something too hot, run for the tums ;). but after that experience i started loving spicy food.

4. i played the cello for 3 years in middle school. i was 2nd chair out of like 11 kids (there was a chinese kid named evan who always got first chair... but i didn't have a chance since he was asian. :) try not to let my pure coolness in the photo bowl you over. :)

5. i really like order. if the house is a mess (usually thanks to abby these days) i really can't relax. i'll stop and make sure most things are put in their place. fortunately, my wife also loves order, so we tidy up together. one thing i can't stand is when a couch has some sort of cover on it and people sitting on it squirm around and the cover turns into a lump of fabric half-shoved down the crack between the cusions... drives me insane. (wes, this is dedicated to you! hahaha! :) it took me a while to realize that people are more important than order... a lesson i still sometimes struggle with.

6. i was a very fat child. okay, so i apparently i didn't embarrass myself enough with the first fact. in 6th (or maybe 7th) grade i weighed more than i did as a senior in high school, and was like a foot (30 cm) shorter... in fact, now at 27 i only weigh maybe 15-20 lbs. (7-9 kg.) more than in 6th grade.... it was not a good year for me. but at least i had company. here is a pic of me and my sister as professional fat kids.

7. i write poetry. i have since like 6th grade. granted, i write much less frequently now with all the things going on in my life, but still do sometimes. one poem that i will not forget is the last one i wrote before i was arrested for dealing LSD and consequently gave my heart to Jesus. the final lines of it are:

i need something, i need someone
this tangled web of pain i've spun
i fear the worst has just begun
i beg of you on hand and knee
someone out there set me free.

i didn't realize it at the time, but i think it was actually a prayer and the Lord definitely answered it. He is a wonderfully faithful God! "God will remain true though every man be unfaithful." Rom. 3:4

i hope that was amusing for someone besides just me. so, now in keeping with the rules, i tag the following people:

rick warden
josh dykstra
wendy hoff
matthew hawkins
eulogio crespin
cara denney
stephanie markey

when innovation goes overboard

okay, so its not real, but its still pretty funny....


Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard